WARNING, a bit morbid. Went to see mum,

"Svend" (svend)
03/06/2019 at 11:06 • Filed to: None

I went to see mum at the undertakers. It doesn’t seem right she’s there, laying flat.

Mum always slept sitting up and often leaning forward in what looked like the most uncomfortable way, but that’s how she slept.

Then went to look at where she’ll be buried.

We are going for a woodland burial with an efficient presiding over the service.

This is where mum will be.

Which will look like this after a little time.

There are wooden benches dotted about to sit on. But there is this nice little memorial/focal point.

She will be in good company with others taken all too soon from around the commonwealth.

Such as

Pilot Officer A. G. Wicks of the Royal New Zealand Air Force,

who died on the 10th of December 1941 at the young age of 28 years old.

and

Sergeant K, F, Peters of the Royal Canadian Air Force,

who died on the 20th of December 1941 at the young age of 19 years old.

To those that fought and those that paid the ultimate sacrifice, thank you. Rest now.

DISCUSSION (58)

phenotyp > Svend
03/06/2019 at 11:19

Man. We buried my father-in-law Monday morning. A cast concrete box, holding the urn with his ashes, and a dude in below-freezing wind lying on the ground and placing the dirt.

Fucking humbling.

CalzoneGolem > Svend
03/06/2019 at 11:21

I’m so s orry for your loss mate. Burying a parent is not easy. If you need anything lemme know. I can send you tasty snacks from this side of the pond. You can hmu @ my username @ yahoo.

Zip-McBump > Svend
03/06/2019 at 11:23

I’m sorry for all you’ve been going through. Not to seem like morbid or anything, but I rather like humanizing posts like this. Shows how easy it is to take people for granted. For the longest time, (to me, anyway) you were just the person who detailed cars and had amazing meals. We can all be distilled down to a couple of easily identifiable traits, but we’re all human... no matter how much we depend on our phones or computers to help us interact with each other.

That cemetery is really nice. Very natural. It’s so different from the golf-course appearance of the cemeteries I’m used to seeing. Seems like a wonderful place for someone you really care about.

Svend > phenotyp
03/06/2019 at 11:23

I’m really sorry to hear that. Please accept my condolences.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > Svend
03/06/2019 at 11:25

Sorry for your loss. Thoughts from the commonwealth across the pond.

Svend > CalzoneGolem
03/06/2019 at 11:25

Thanks mate. Nice of you to offer, it’s appreciated.

ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback > Svend
03/06/2019 at 11:34

Im so sorry to hear about your mom. My wife lost her dad almost exactly a year ago. I understand how difficult it can be. She found comfort in writing out her thoughts and sharing them to social media. She’d tag his facebook profile in the post so that others could share in the memories she had of him. It’s a really nice way to keep his personality alive. So many people have shared stories in response to her posts and it’s been really nice to read. Im not sure if that’s something you’d consider doing, but when I lose my parents, I plan on doing something similar. The grieving process can be long, and that’s ok. Take your time and don’t be afraid to talk about it, even here on oppo. We’re here for you.

vondon302 > Svend
03/06/2019 at 11:36

Sorry for your loss. I buried my parents 7 and 10 years ago Xmas has never been the same. Best wishes to you and yours.

That cemetary looks nice. I prefer the natural feeling of it to the manicured grass we have in the states.

ttyymmnn > Svend
03/06/2019 at 11:38

I remember attending my grandfather’s viewing after he passed. I was probably about 15 years old, maybe a bit younger. It was so strange. I kept expecting him to wake up. I had only known him in life, and seeing him lifeless was disturbing. When my grandmother passed, I refused to go take a look, likewise my beloved mother-in-law. I wanted to remember them alive. It’s my understanding that the whole viewing ritual is a holdover from the olden days, when people wanted to see the deceased to prove that they were actually dead. I think we can move on from that.

My condolences to you and your family. I am not looking forward to the passing of my parents (it would be odd if I were).

Cash Rewards > Svend
03/06/2019 at 11:39

Im so sorry to see this. My condolences

Zip-McBump > phenotyp
03/06/2019 at 11:39

Winter buri als are just brutal in every sense of the word.

However, looking back at the ones I’ve attended (and I’m sorry if you disagree or are offended), it almost makes it easier to work through the grief. I’m not sure why.

Svend > Zip-McBump
03/06/2019 at 11:43

Thank you.

A lot of the rest of the cemetery while not looking like a golf course, doesn’t look like an old cemetery. It’s not a very old cemetery and I think came about in 1853 with many other cemeteries around being filled or moved as churches were demolished.

Svend > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
03/06/2019 at 11:45

Thanks mate.

Brothers and sis ters in arms.

Svend > ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback
03/06/2019 at 11:50

I have two FB accounts and my mum didn’t use social media. Sounds good though.

My main account only has a few people (no family members) on it as I’m not a very social, out there sort of person. I have very few friends, but those friends are very import to me, more so than family, because other than my mum, the rest of them are sheer crap They’ve already started circling wanting jewellery and bits, but nothing has been left for them, all jewellery goes to my sister.

phenotyp > Svend
03/06/2019 at 11:51

Sorry to hear yours, too.

Bury us with a tree growing roots around and up and over, is all I ask.

Zip-McBump > Svend
03/06/2019 at 11:55

You are quite welcome.

I live in the (non-east coast) states, so 1853 would be a pretty old cemetery. Looks like you got a great plot for her. It will be a beautiful spot to visit.

Just remember that you are doing right by her, and that’s all that matters now. Hang in there.

Svend > vondon302
03/06/2019 at 11:58

So sorry about your parents .

It was a little difficult because it’s a woodland burial, everything has to be biodegradable . She’s be buried with a pack of cigarettes (she smoked a lot, granted she quite for a few months after the heart attack in January 2018, but soon started up again) and a cup (we’d always make four coffees at a time for her), which is a Harry Potter one and her doll she’s has since birth (if there was anything on her mind she didn’t want to tell anyone, she would tell her doll).

It’s quite a young cemetery, 1853 inception.

LimitedTimeOnly @ opposite-lock.com > Svend
03/06/2019 at 12:00

So, trees planted instead of headstones, or burial among already planted trees ? Either way, t hat’s a pretty nice setting . My wife and I want our ashes spread among the trees in our favorite hiking area (2.5 hour drive from our current home) , although that is inconvenient for the living.

We put my brother’s ashes where we then planted a tree. Happily the tree is still doing well twenty-plus years later, but I initially worried that if the tree didn’t survive for long due to whatever reason, that this would extremely upset my mother.

Svend > ttyymmnn
03/06/2019 at 12:02

My mum passed with me next to her.

Seeing her laying today, just didn’t seem right. Sort of like it was her, but wasn’t her if you know what I mean.

Thank you. I sincerely hope they have many more years left with you.

Svend > Cash Rewards
03/06/2019 at 12:03

Thank you.

Svend > phenotyp
03/06/2019 at 12:04

Thanks.

vondon302 > Svend
03/06/2019 at 12:06

Sounds like your doing it right. I like the idea of a woodland burial. Returning to the earth and all that.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Svend
03/06/2019 at 12:11

I’m sorry to hear about your mums passing. My condolences for you and your family.

Svend > Zip-McBump
03/06/2019 at 12:13

Cheers mate.

My step-father bought a double plot.

It’s more in keeping I think.

450X_FTW > Svend
03/06/2019 at 12:16

I occasionally see the potted urns on Facebook you can buy for your loved ones ashes, that becomes a tree they grow into. I’ve often considered putting in my will to do this with mine, but instead of a tree plant a dank cannabis plant, smoke the leaves that come from it and my spirit will talk to you.

Svend > LimitedTimeOnly @ opposite-lock.com
03/06/2019 at 12:16

I think the trees and daffodils are planted randomly about for a more natural feel.

My mum didn’t like the idea of a cremation, she had a fear of not being dead when she went in.

Svend > Snuze: Needs another Swede
03/06/2019 at 12:22

Thanks mate.

Svend > 450X_FTW
03/06/2019 at 12:23

Lol.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Svend
03/06/2019 at 12:47

Oh man, I am sorry for your loss. I hope you and you family the best . I like the tree burial that sounds nice.

That is an odd sleeping situation, but everyone is different.

4muddyfeet - bare knuckle with an EZ30 > Svend
03/06/2019 at 13:26

Truly sad news man. I hope you’re keeping OK. Fancy a daytime pint on Friday, S aturday or Sunday ?

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > Svend
03/06/2019 at 13:41

Sorry to hear about your mum , hope you and the family are coping well with it. Her resting place looks nice.

Stef Schrader > Svend
03/06/2019 at 13:47

That’s a beautiful plot. I’m sorry for your loss.

Stef Schrader > 450X_FTW
03/06/2019 at 13:56

Heh, I think there’s an Ask a Mortician that debunked the pre-potted trees . A shes are mostly the inorganic bits that don’t have much nutritional value to a growing tree. Luckily, she did also list a DIY method that’d let the tree grow a little better, in case you’d really like to fertilize dank 420 in the afterlife. That DIY method sounds a lot like this nice woodland burial, to be honest.

Me? Pave me into the Nürburgring, I guess.

450X_FTW > Stef Schrader
03/06/2019 at 14:06

Damn good call on the ring burial

TheRealBicycleBuck > ttyymmnn
03/06/2019 at 14:08

My mom told me not to have a viewing for her and I respected those wishes. After fighting cancer for so long, she didn’t look the same anyway. We had the last portrait she took blown up bigger than life. That was a fitting way to remember her. Bigger than life.

Svend > CaptDale - is secretly British
03/06/2019 at 14:34

Thank you.

Ye', she was a weird one. Lol.

Svend > 4muddyfeet - bare knuckle with an EZ30
03/06/2019 at 14:34

Thanks mate. I'm good, thank you. X

Svend > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell.
03/06/2019 at 14:36

My sister is taking it the worst, she also gets married in a few weeks so it was meant to be a happy time.

Svend > Stef Schrader
03/06/2019 at 14:38

Thank you lass. It does look nice, very different from a traditional setting.

ttyymmnn > TheRealBicycleBuck
03/06/2019 at 15:03

It’s always better to be seen than to be viewed.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Svend
03/06/2019 at 15:07

Well I would definatley call my mom weird too, but I think that is their role in life. To guide us and embarrass us.

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Svend
03/06/2019 at 15:09

That’s a very lovely place to be buried. May she rest in peace. My condolences again friend...

Svend > CaptDale - is secretly British
03/06/2019 at 18:01

Oh the number of times at a bus stop when I was younger, she would take out a tissue, lick the end of it then stick it in my ear, saying, ‘you’ve got a bit of something......’. Which triggered an, ‘oh muuuuuuuuummm’, from me and trying to swat her away. Lol.

Oh, the worst was when I came home with three girls from school, Lyn, Laura and Joanne. and somehow had pictures of me when I was a toddler wearing blue wellies and that at the time I wouldn’t take them off, etc... Joanne was my ex-girlfriend, Laura was my current girlfriend and Lyn was my next girlfriend. If your going to embarrass your son, go for the trifecta. Lol.

Svend > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars
03/06/2019 at 18:02

Thank you mate.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Svend
03/06/2019 at 18:15

Oh yeah the smudge wipe is the worst.

Some reason the baby picture thing never bothered me. I always thought sharing baby photos with my partner is a fun thing. And part of growing the relationship. But then again I am a hopeless romantic so...

Svend > CaptDale - is secretly British
03/06/2019 at 18:19

I was a hopeless romantic, but at 13 years old, I literally left the living room to go upstairs to get something to come down and find the album in her hand. She had her moments, but they were our moments.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Svend
03/06/2019 at 18:24

Yeah that sounds about right. Sounds like she was a good Mum. If you ever need to talk or anything you can always email me too

dyland.sailing(at)gmail . com

Svend > CaptDale - is secretly British
03/06/2019 at 18:38

Cheers mate. Just phoned work to say I’ll be taking two more days off now we’ve got a confirmation of the date and time.

In the meantime I think I’m going to go make some chicken tikka masala because I’m famished.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Svend
03/06/2019 at 18:44

Glad you’re getting needed time off.

That sounds delicious !

Svend > CaptDale - is secretly British
03/06/2019 at 18:46

My two weeks paid bereavement leave finishes next Sunday. It would of been fine, but the police I.T. problem delayed everything for a week.

I may do a slightly unorthodox tikka and make some hash brown or potato pops to go with the tikka, steamed rice and chapati.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Svend
03/06/2019 at 19:10

Police I.T. problem?

Man that sounds good.

Svend > CaptDale - is secretly British
03/06/2019 at 19:29

Ye’, because it was an expected-unexpected death the police had to attend, they also allow the ambulance teams to tidy up and hand over the body to them, the police remain until a private ambulance comes to remove the body.

Now with many places going paperless, the police officer’s notes and everything were on his PDA. Apparently either just his or several didn’t upload at the end of the day, this was the Monday and wasn’t picked up until the Friday. The PDAs automatically update software and download anything not already downloaded at 9pm on the Friday and because the police offices are closed over the weekend, the police couldn’t do anything until the Monday and because the coroner needs the authority from the police to carry out their duties, a post mortem couldn’t be carried until they did.

It’s just one of them things.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Svend
03/06/2019 at 19:54

Ah, frustrating, but understandable I suppose.

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > Svend
03/07/2019 at 16:12

That's tough. Hopefully the wedding is still a positive time.

Svend > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell.
03/07/2019 at 16:14

It should be, but with mum’s family and depending how the funeral goes. It’s going to be an interesting few weeks.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Svend
03/09/2019 at 05:57

Did your mum expect to have a Great Interview in the Sky? I’m in no rush, but I am looking forward to mine.

Missus and I are all about being cremated, with a location and a manner of placing the ashes already well defined.

My mom and I have had a rough go over the years, but I reached a point two or three years ago where I was able to let all that go. I hope that when your mum passed, you were in a good space with her.

Best to you and yours. Remember that laughter is good medicine.

O.C.

Svend > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo
03/09/2019 at 06:22

‘Great Interview in the sky’?

Me and mum had many arguments over the years, some we went back to and talked it out, some we agreed to disagree on, some we shrugged off but as grand father got older and argumentative, racist, sexism, etc... mum would start an argument, seemingly for the sake of it, so we would have the odd one here and there, some I’d stand my ground and fight back and say, ‘I will not be saying sorry, now or later, or, ‘I know your in the frame of mind to have an argument, but I’m not. Do you want a coffee making?’, or we’d get so far into the argument (such as mum voting for Brexit), the one would stop, breathe and say, ‘right, I’m stopping this here, your giving me a headache’.

Mum she was my mum, she was the only person I could do that with, and to a larger part she was the only person who could do that with me.

We rarely shouted-shouted, raised voices from time to time. But since her heart attack a year last January, we knew to apologise sooner and mean it, to let things drop, as we knew time was getting shorter and didn’t want to leave the other without expressing it.

I’ve always been mummy’s boy and she has always been my anchor to this world.

Re: laughter. I’m British, we have a strange humour, a dark humour, sometimes a morbid humour, etc... the British way, is to laugh at things, because you can’t fear something, if your laughing at it.

Like last Monday I took clothes round to the undertakers for mum to be buried in. The lady there said, 'do you want to stay a moment and I'll get you a receipt for these,' I replied, 'no, I trust you. If I can't trust you with some clothes, we're going to have a hard time when you get mum's body'.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Svend
03/09/2019 at 16:56

When I say, “great interview in the sky,” that’s my way of referring to gotten religion. A judgment, a meeting with God, whatever that god might look like.

Families are weird. You can’t live with them and you can’t live without them. You can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your family.

I’ll be 55 this summer. I am happy to say that I have “made up” with my parents and there are many pressures that are gone now and we can just enjoy each other. My dad has Parkinson’s disease and he’s probably got about 87% of his marbles remaining. And he has become very sweet and loving, much different than earlier. And I am grateful for that. He and I get to have a honeymoon in the closing years of his life. He’d have gotten sick anyway, so I’m glad neither of us is insisting upon carrying around any of that baggage any more. Subscribing to religion gave me the means to let all of that other stuff go. I am thankful.

My mom, on the other hand, endured many serious abuses as a child and has medicated herself her entire adult life with alcohol. So there exists a barrier to us having the sort of relationship I enjoy with my father, as even with the Parkinson’s, it’s really Dad, and not buried under layers of an alcoholic’s denial. With an alcoholic, very little is real , and anything you confide is likely to squirt out sometime when they’re in the cups. That’s okay, I just keep the personal stuff to myself. She’s got a terrific relationship with my young adult daughters, and I am very thankful for that as well. Grandparenthood is a wonderful thing. There’s a sort of detent e between my mother and me and we keep the peace and keep things positive and constructive.

Gotta love Oppo, Mate.